Reader Mail Around the Globe: Discovery, Validation, Comfort

I’m a bit jet lagged after flying across the United States. The travel part was easy. Now the challenge lies in what to say in my acceptance speech at the RESOLVE Night of Hope event on Tuesday evening.

I’m allowed one minute and thirty seconds. That’s not much time to thank the international community of women who feel as close to me as sisters. You can be sure I’ll be thinking about each and everyone one of you as I nervously make my way to the podium. Meanwhile, I want to share a few of the hundreds of emails from around the globe that have left a lasting impression since Silent Sorority was published. It has been a long road coming to terms with childlessness, but we’re not only hopeful, we’re headed in a new direction.

“Thank you for being brave enough to lift the veil of secrecy about infertility and about your life. It has challenged me to do the same.” (South Africa)

“You show a way out that is not at all easy, but leads to genuine freedom (not to mention grace) in working hard to be open and understanding while those with children do not work hard for you. I guess it must be like that for all who experience isolation as a result of the circumstances of their life – trauma, serious illness, disability. I just wanted to say thank you for putting it out there, leading by example. I have ordered a few copies of your book. I am going to give it to people and they can read it as their Xmas present to me.” (Australia)

“I am childless and live in England. I am stunned to find somebody so open about being childless. It is a taboo subject and I carry it around with me all the time. Thank You, Pamela. I have read your brilliant book and feel part of something.”(UK)

“I’m from Poland so I’m sorry for my englisch. I read your blog and I just want to thank you. I grow due to you in strength.” (Poland)

“I’m discovering my thoughts in your words. Thank you…” (Croatia)

“We keep our infertility private except for close family as we are a very private couple but I wish I had your courage to shout out to the world that we are here and we have a voice. Thank you for your book and making me feel I’m not alone and that my feelings are valid.” (Ireland)

“I’ve been reading your blog for many years and I loved Silent Sorority. You’ve been a huge support to me in my struggle with infertility – that you have been able to deal with the fact that there was no ‘happy ending’ is really encouraging to me.” (Finland)

“Being infertile living in fertile world makes you very lonely. It was comforting to read that I am not alone. Reading this book I thought hundred times – those are exactly my feelings.” (Slovenia)

“Thanks for putting yourself out there. That was very courageous. I am so far in the closet; I couldn’t imagine having the strength to do that.” (Canada)

“Married for years without any child. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for the both of us due to family, cultural and social pressure. Not been informed about pregnancies and births cuz we don’t have a child of ours. At first I ignored it but it hurts deeply. I have lost friendships cuz of this ‘stigma.’ “(Nigeria)

“Even though we made the choice to stop treatment and move on, even though I read all of the self-help books, this situation has a way of sneaking up on me and brings me to my knees.  When I am at my lowest, that is when it hits me the hardest.  I just wanted to say thanks because most every day I feel alone, like the only person with this problem that cannot be resolved.  Today because of you I don’t feel so alone.” (Oklahoma)

“I am not officially ‘out of the closet’ as an infertile, and there are still friends, family and places that I avoid, however your book really has given me a new-found strength in speaking out about my infertility, and I just wanted to say thanks.  It is nice to know that there are ‘more of us out there’, and that someone is finally giving us a voice.” (Washington DC)

“Thanks for promoting relationships between infertile couples and thus providing a way for people who are involuntarily childless to feel valued and not marginalized, like they are part of the circle of life, and that contentedness is actually possible without kids.” (Canada)

“I just wanted to let you know that your book has provided so much comfort to me — the comfort in knowing that I am not alone in my deepest, darkest moments and thoughts.  Thank you for having the courage to write it, and know that it is helping so many of us cope.” (Texas)

“Like many amazing women, I come here for solace, to find faith and hope along with a sense of community through your stories which echo mine.Thank you, Pamela, for giving those of us (a true sorority a women unlike no other) a soft place to fall.  Our world is not an easy one, but it’s a unique one, that hopefully, over time, I will learn to embrace.” (Virginia)

“I ordered your book over a month ago, as a birthday present. From the moment I started reading, I could not put it down. It was the first time I experienced true empathy on the subject from a book. It was the best birthday present I ever could have bought for myself.” (New York)