Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

June 12, 2010

Still Becoming Me

Aging once felt like an enemy, a fiendish process that compounded an already maddening battle with the forces of biology. Not any longer.  Tomorrow, I welcome 47.

So what are some thoughts that come to mind as I move closer to 50 than 40 (!!) ?

  • When did 47 stop feeling old? My grandma Stella was right – you are as young as you feel.
  • Menopause, shmenopause.  I’ve already kicked butt on the emotional transition.
  • I may not be living the life I once thought I’d be, but the one I have is pretty damned nice.
  • Humor is one tonic that I can’t get enough of …
  • Whoever was responsible for making digital images “glow” and eyesight get less sharp with age, THANK YOU!

What else have I come to appreciate as I get older? As John Lennon once so aptly put it, “Life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.” Once I embraced that philosophy it was easier to accept that life unfolds the way it’s going to, and not always in the the way I expect. At the same time life never stops serving up opportunities for reinvention. Each day brings a new chance to recommit, re-think, re-engage, or move in an entirely new direction.

Most importantly, in the last several years I’ve made peace with my body. I first talked about that process as I turned 45, which you can read here.

The shattered remains of the life I once worked so hard to build has given me ample material to see my future as a series of beautiful mosaics — each year becomes more colorful and special in its own way. There’s a richness, a dimension and a freshness that comes after emerging from a place of pain.

See also  When Does the Pursuit of Pregnancy Go Too Far?

I’m spending the weekend in the Sierra Nevada mountains where spring has only just arrived.  What I see here makes me remember what my mother told me a few years ago as she watched me struggle to make sense of my life: “we all must learn to bloom where we’re planted.”

Different Than I Expected 9 Replies to “Still Becoming Me”
Pamela Tsigdinos
Pamela Tsigdinos
Writer, blogger and, oh, yeah, infertility survivor. My memoir, Silent Sorority, tells the whole story. There's a movie in there somewhere. Given the quirkiness needed to relate it all I'm thinking Jennifer Lawrence would be a good fit.


9 thoughts on “Still Becoming Me

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy birthday, Pamela! Your mother is a wise woman — you obviously inherited her genes! ; ) My own favourite line about getting older: “It beats the alternative.” Have a great weekend!

    Author’s gravatar

    dear Pamela,
    I wish you all the best for your birthday.

    Author’s gravatar

    I love this! I needed to hear some of these things. I’ve had a bad week. Happy Birthday.

    Author’s gravatar

    Happpy birthday!! You make 47, enjoying your life, and moving past IF – all of it look really good :). From someone still in the early stages of finding her way – THANK YOU! Enjoy your getaway!

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy Birthday! I think for a lot of us, for a long time, even decades, the question has been “Why?” Why couldn’t I do/get what others do effortlessly?

    When I was going through my final period of coming to terms with not being a parent, my Mom would say, “It takes no skill, believe me!” A paraphrase of Woody Allen’s famous pronouncement (before he became a Dad himself) “Any idiot can have a child, and they usually do.”

    So at 45 or so the question changes from Why? To What Next? And that’s a much more exciting prospect than “Why, Why Not, or Why Me?”

    Author’s gravatar

    I am right behind you both. And I just realized that I have been following Pamela’s blog longer than I thought. I like your “what next” question especially b/c i caught myself thinking “why me?” too many times to count this week. What next will be my deliberate motto for the coming week. Thanks!

    Author’s gravatar

    47 and still sassy, I love it!: You’ll be amused to know I’m reading your comment with my reading glasses on.

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy Birthday – to both of us! Holy F***, how did we get to 47, eh? Why do I have the feeling I should be hosting a nationally known TV talk show and giving away cars? Hahaha. Many blessings to you, may you continue to develop clarity, strength and grace as you look for your reading glasses!

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy birthday! (I found you again! Not quite sure how I lost you…)

    I love this post. It contains much wisdom and hope.


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