Skip to content

Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

Menu
  • My Story
    • Silent Sorority: Memoir
    • Coming2Terms Blog
  • About
  • Bylined Work
    • Times of London: The False Hope of ‘Fertility’ Benefits
    • NYT Op-Ed: The Big IVF Add-on Racket
    • STAT: Dark side of IVF
    • Do à la carte menus serve infertility patients?
    • New York Times Op-Ed: Selling the Fantasy of Fertility
    • WIRED: The Sobering Facts About Egg Freezing
    • FORTUNE: The Tough Truth About Egg Freezing
    • The Huffington Post
    • Medium ‘Human Parts’
    • Seleni Institute
    • New York Times Motherlode
    • Infertility’s Emotional Impact
  • In the News
    • MSNBC: Childless Not By Choice
    • STAT: IVF ‘add-ons’ rest on shaky science
    • IVF ‘Add-On’ Procedures Offer False Hope
    • Named ‘Top Health Blogger’ by Health Magazine
    • The Globe and Mail
    • The New York Times
    • MarketWatch – 10 Things Fertility Clinics Won’t Say
    • Women’s eNews
    • Radio: Living Childfree
    • Yahoo Shine Health Feature
    • The Broad Side
    • ABC TV Interview
    • Redbook
  • ReproTech Medicine Reporting
Menu
relief

Relief and Reflection Deliver New Insights

Posted on March 18, 2021March 20, 2021 by Pamela Tsigdinos

Relief is the feeling that floods your body when you know there’s a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve felt relief many times throughout my life. Relief in knowing my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Cote, still liked me after she scolded me for not being compassionate enough toward another student. Relief at realizing I could help my mother keep the household functioning when she had to leave my father, my siblings and me during an unexpected health issue with my grandparents. More relief as I learned a highly-ranked university accepted me when I felt I wasn’t sufficiently qualified. Then, there was the day I learned my university chose me as a resident advisor to a dorm full of freshman who needed a guiding light in their first years away from their families.

Relief As An Adult

At the same time, relief is also the sense of knowing my fears would not be fully realized. The day I realized that my sense of inadequacy was simply my overactive mind being my toughest critic.

Comfort of a different sort infused me while serving as a volunteer on the midnight shift at the university neonatal infant (NICU) ward. It happened when a tiny, helpless premature baby coo’ed back when I smiled and coo’ed at them. Then there was the elation I felt at landing my first professional full-time job. Relief in discovering a new life awaited me on the other side infertility hell.

If it isn’t abundantly obvious, I am well acquainted with the sense of reassurance things will be fine in the face of intense worrying or panic. So, even though I knew better than to live in fear, a renewed feeling of relief and consolation came over me this week.

See also  What's This? Common Ground That Doesn't Involve Motherhood Or Infertility

Breathing Deeply

The first sign in recent days? Alex and I each received confirmation we were eligible for a COVID vaccine. Finally! Soon after the needle pierced my arm, I booked a flight in early May to Michigan. The trip is timed to when my vaccination will be fully effective. I am so relieved to know I can finally hug my mother and fragile father and laugh in person with my sisters for the first time in 17 months.

Also this week, I prepared for a more somber encounter with 20+ women in the midst of invasive treatments for infertility. The Zoom gathering I agreed to in January was upon me. With care and extra sensitivity I watched as 15 faces came into view, all 20 years my junior. Others, too raw with emotion, simply logged in with their names.

For the next two hours we talked and reflected on the insatiable hunger we’ve each felt to feel our child stir in our womb and to cradle our children in our arms. We teared up talking about the pain and loss we’d endured. There was an ebb and flow of questions about what happens when life doesn’t go according to plan. Is there any relief from the suffering and pain? Can you ever be around children again without feeling suffocated with grief? Yes, I told them. It’s clear, however, not much has changed in the nearly 18 years since I stopped pursuing IVF treatment. Our conversations were private and not for publication so I will leave it there.

More Reflections

Meanwhile, Jody Day reached out this week. She has formed a new conscious childless elderwoman initiative. Kudos to Jody for once again identifying and addressing a new need for women like us as we age in a society that doesn’t recognize our existence. She asked if I had time to join a Spring Equinox conversation this Saturday. Since I’m still in COVID isolation awaiting vaccine dose #2, I said, “yes, absolutely!”

See also  Childless is a word I detest

relief elderwomen

So, please feel free to log in as some of my favorite women gather around the Zoom Fire for an hour of wisdom, laughter and fireside tales. When?  Saturday, March 20. The conversation will take place at 1 pm Pacific Daylight Time or 8pm GMT. All ages are welcome! We will discuss ‘the body and the cycles of life.

UPDATE: Fortunately, Jody taped the session here.session here.

 

Related Posts:

  • Curing My Tunnel Vision
    Curing My Tunnel Vision
  • An Artist Shares Decades of Wisdom
    An Artist Shares Decades of Wisdom
  • We Have to Believe It to See It
    We Have to Believe It to See It
  • Two Wiser Women On Society and Motherhood
    Two Wiser Women On Society and Motherhood
  • Do You Live A Taboo? I Do, Too!
    Do You Live A Taboo? I Do, Too!
  • On Sisterhood, Healing and Dreaming Big
    On Sisterhood, Healing and Dreaming Big

4 thoughts on “Relief and Reflection Deliver New Insights”

  1. Klara says:
    March 19, 2021 at 10:30 am

    Dear Pamela, I am very happy that you have already got the vaccine! And – I am looking forward to listening to you & the others tomorrow!

    Reply
  2. loribeth says:
    March 19, 2021 at 11:56 am

    I was already signed up for the fireside chat tomorrow; extra reason to be there now, knowing you’ll be there too, Pamela! :) Glad to hear you were connecting with the (cough!) “younger” generation… I am sitting in on the Childless Collective Summit right now with mixed feelings — mindblown that there are almost 2500 (!!) people signed up for the summit — something I don’t think either of us could have imagined when we started blogging in 2007! — enjoying all the insights & connections with old friends & new — but frustrated that there are still so many people out there in pain who don’t know where to turn and who aren’t aware of the resources and connections that you & others have been trying so hard to build over the past decade. We’ve come a long way, but we obviously still have work to do…

    Glad you got your first shots & booked your trip home… I will be doing the same as soon as I can too! (Still waiting on the vaccine front but hopefully not too much longer…!)

    Reply
  3. Jess says:
    March 20, 2021 at 5:25 am

    Congrats on the vaccine! Very exciting! And yes, that relief, that feeling that “I’m going to be okay” is such a good feeling after all the uncertainty and anxiety that precedes it. The fireside chat sounds amazing, trying to figure out time zones and I think it’s 4 pm for New York? I might be able to make it, such important discussions and community.

    Reply
    1. Pamela Tsigdinos says:
      March 20, 2021 at 10:52 pm

      Thanks, Jess! Could not agree more about the importance of feeling okay.
      No worries if you couldn’t join us live. Jody recorded and posted it here for viewing when you have time: https://fb.watch/4mB-GwVsdI/

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

My Books

Popular Posts

  • Defining Abuse in Assisted Reproductive Technology
  • IVF Rollercoaster: BBC Radio Show Callers Describe ‘Grueling, Painful, Isolating, Roll of Dice’
  • Dear Abby Strikes Out On Infertility, Childless Not By Choice Question
  • Ending Fertility Treatment Equated with Madness?
  • Casting off Chains of Infertility: Fertility Diary, The Life of Pi and Search for Peace
  • Identity after Infertility and Failed IVF
  • Strong At The Broken Places
  • Not Having Children After Infertility ‘An Assault to Identity’
  • Infertility Community: A Microcosm of Society Misunderstandings and All
  • Infertility Community’s Black Sheep: Women Who Don’t Achieve Motherhood

Subscribe to New Blog Posts

 Subscribe in a reader

Archives

Tags

Avalanche bioethics change Childless childlessness conflict culture egg freezing emotions expectations fertility industry fertility treatment friendships grief growth guest post healing health heroines identity infertility IVF Jessica Hepburn Jody Day journey lessons loss media motherhood myths narrative non-moms psychology reinvention relationships research RESOLVE silent sorority society stigma survival trauma travel truths what ifs

Categories

  • An Act of Kindness
  • Another Perspective
  • Bioethics
  • Book Musings
  • Changing Perceptions
  • Choices
  • Different Than I Expected
  • Documentary
  • Fortitude
  • Guest Post
  • Linking Around
  • Movies
  • News Reports and Studies
  • Pandemic
  • Pop Culture
  • Psychology
  • Relationships
  • Remembrance
  • Spontaneity
  • Strength Personified
  • Tapestry of Voices
  • The Cycle Relay Forum
  • Uncategorized
  • What I Wish I'd Know Then

Recent Comments

  • Pamela Tsigdinos on In Limbo Once Again: Long COVID This Time
  • Cathy Broadwell on In Limbo Once Again: Long COVID This Time
  • Pamela Tsigdinos on In Limbo Once Again: Long COVID This Time
  • dublinerInDeutschland on In Limbo Once Again: Long COVID This Time
  • Pamela Tsigdinos on In Limbo Once Again: Long COVID This Time

Blogroll

  • A Blank New Page
  • Bent Not Broken
  • Childless By Marriage
  • Conscious Childless Elderwomen
  • Des meandres aux etoiles (French)
  • Different Shores
  • Elaine OK (German)
  • Ever Upward
  • Femme Sans Enfant (French)
  • Finding A Different Path
  • Gateway Women
  • Infertile Phoenix
  • Infertility Honesty
  • It's Inconceivable
  • Jessica Hepburn's Blog
  • Just Being
  • Lavender Luz
  • Lesley Pyne
  • Life Without Baby blog
  • MSNBC – Life After IVF
  • No Kidding in NZ
  • Other side of the threshold (Swedish)
  • ReproTechTruths
  • Sitrrup Queen's Blogroll
  • SlidingDoors
  • Slow Swimmers & Fried Eggs
  • The Dove Cote
  • The Empty Cradle (Brisbane)
  • The Infertility Voice
  • The Next 15,000 Days
  • The NotMom
  • The Road Less Travelled
  • Uber Barrens Club
  • Walk in Our Shoes
© 2023 Silent Sorority | Powered by Superbs Personal Blog theme