Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

February 8, 2021

Hello? Is This Thing On?

Hello! While the pandemic has left me unable to immediately recognize what day of the week it is most mornings when I open my eyes, I did recall this weekend that it’s blog anniversary time.

Yep. First week of February = Surviving in a Mommy Mad World Coming2Terms launch. This year marks 14 years. Fourteen blogiversaries?? Some have been more more memorable than others.

February 2016 was a time of reflection and great anticipation — an election year when a woman was gearing up for a White House run. (Doesn’t that feel like a lifetime ago?)

February 2013? That was the year Cristy, Loribeth, Mo and I completed our Bitter Infertiles podcast …back when podcasts were still kinda novel.

February 2009 had me wondering if my efforts to bring new attention and understanding of women coping with infertility and involuntary childlessness made me a dreamer or a masochist.

2021 makes me recall, with great longing, how it felt to be in a different time — pre-pandemic, pre-FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Reddit …. TikTok and whatever comes after that — when blogs ruled.  Those were the salad days when we could, you know, focus …

You have no idea how many blog posts the past year I’ve formulated and abandoned. Each one a bit raw, a bit too edgy.

Life Postponed – Pandemic

Blog writing, amid all the adjustments and real life worries caused by a life-threatening disease, felt a bit self-indulgent.  Headlines from the front lines terrified me. Most days, I’ve been more than fine fading into the background, to simply do my part and stay away from others.

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Sure, we put a long list of plans and travel on hold. We racked up a long list of rain checks with extended family and friends. But, we had food on the table, a streaming service to escape into and a yard that allowed us to get fresh air.

Now, as we mark one year of living in pandemic hell and awaiting vaccination, I wonder, is this a good time to start blogging again?

There are some blog posts I have desperately want to write this past year:

—how living in near isolation felt kinda weirdly familiar. Infertile women, as a rule, are masters at withdrawing socially. Along the way to accepting that society doesn’t know how to be with us or to see us, we developed great skills in the whole avoidance thing.

—how the ‘essential’ versus ‘non-essential’ worker thing felt quite judge-y. Again, an eerie reminder that society ranks — whether overtly or covertly — our contributions.

—how the latest “feel bad for mothers” coverage resurfaces infertility marginalization, IVF loss and related trauma …

“As a psychiatrist specializing in women’s mental health, nearly every mother I have treated during the pandemic fights through decision fatigue, rage and a feeling of powerlessness every day.”

So, um, yeah, that last one. Well, that blog post is gonna need more time to write. Suffice to say, I totally understand how mothers are fighting fatigue, rage and a feeling of powerlessness during this pandemic. But let’s be clear, mothers aren’t the only women fighting fatigue, rage and a feeling of powerlessness.

Stay tuned for more. Meanwhile, drop by in the comments and say, ‘hello’ — let me know if you’re still out there in bloggie land and why or why not.

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Pandemic 15 Replies to “Hello? Is This Thing On?”
Pamela Tsigdinos
Pamela Tsigdinos
Writer, blogger and, oh, yeah, infertility survivor. My memoir, Silent Sorority, tells the whole story. There's a movie in there somewhere. Given the quirkiness needed to relate it all I'm thinking Jennifer Lawrence would be a good fit.

COMMENTS

15 thoughts on “Hello? Is This Thing On?

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy blogoversary, Pamela! :) SO great to hear from you! I’m still here — still blogging. I (still) find it fulfills my itch to write and to vent , about childlessness, infertility and other things, in a way that social media does not. I know we bloggers are fewer in numbers than we once were (although the childless corner of the adoption/loss/infertility community has grown substantially in recent years…!) but I think there will always be a place for blogs. :)

      Author’s gravatar

      Great to hear from you, too, Loribeth! Glad to know you’re still writing. Your comment reminded me there are many reasons to keep the conversation going…

    Author’s gravatar

    Hello! I still consider myself to be a newer blogger (writing since 2016), but I’m still here. The connections I have felt among the IF blogging community has been a lifesaver for me during the pandemic. I’m still processing and healing from infertility and childlessness, but I am also enjoying my life. Well, I was before, you know, about a year ago…

      Author’s gravatar

      Ah, Phoenix! Love the imagery that you and your blog represent. Very happy you’re still writing and staying connected. As the for the pandemic, funny thing there, I *thought* I’d be much more inclined to blog and engage more deeply with the online community, but actually I just kind of withdrew in general. I all around went into ‘low battery’ mode and for reasons I haven’t fully explored… just now feel like I’m charging up again and may soon have something more to offer.

    Author’s gravatar

    I am so glad to see your posts. It helps remind me I am human and not alone.

      Author’s gravatar

      So sweet to hear from you, Katie! Thank you for letting me know you’re reading and riding along.

    Author’s gravatar

    I agree with Loribeth. I am still here, and writing – I think I discovered you some time in 2010, as one support group faded and I was looking for another. Congratulations on 14 years. So much has happened and changed, and our sorority has only grown through those years. Sure, many people are now on social media. But I still get comments and emails from blog readers, so I figure it is still worth hanging around! I’ll be interested to read what your thoughts on those posts you’re thinking about.

    Interestingly, this week I also posted about some of the similarities between the pandemic, and feelings about it, and infertility. Though this time I oddly find myself on the other side.

      Author’s gravatar

      So appreciate all your writing, Mali, and your disciplined approach to organizing your insights. BTW: I have tried several times the past few months to leave comments on your blog, but the Google platform keeps negating the comments and tries to force me into creating a new Blogger account … rather than recognize the Google profile I created 15 years ago. Damn those gremlins!!

        Author’s gravatar

        Argh! I have at least one other reader (that I know of) who struggles to leave comments, and we’ve tried to figure out what’s going on without success. You could do comment just as Anonymous, and let me know it’s you in the comment?

    Author’s gravatar

    Dear Pamela, happy blogoversary! I agree with Loribeth – it is so great to hear from you! I’m also still here — still blogging. I’m now in the part of my life that I am mostly OK with being childless. But I know that within few years first of my friends will become grandmothers and I know in advance that this will hit me. This time I will be prepared – I will already have my blog to deal with new pain and new losses. The new blog will be about ageing without children and without grandchildren.

      Author’s gravatar

      Excellent, Klara! Glad to see that you are ready for the next phase and are preparing accordingly. I expect nothing less from a world-class planner and an authentic, grounded woman in touch with the world around her.

    Author’s gravatar

    I have always been a bit of a “lurker” on your blog and definitely like the blog format as more of a “safe space” than social media – although in recent years I am often tipped off to new blog posts by social media.
    I cannot wait to read what you might write about your proposed topics because I have had so many similar thoughts!
    Honestly, while the pandemic has changed a lot in my life and I am looking forward to a “return to normalcy” – in other ways, I’ve had more of a “welcome to my world” response to it. We were well-equipped to handle the isolation of the last year since we were already accustomed to being left out of some “family” events, or marginalized while we were there.
    I hope this doesn’t sound bitter…….I am afraid that it does!

      Author’s gravatar

      Well, hello, Sarabeth! Lovely to meet you. Sounds like we share a lot in common. BTW, your tone wasn’t bitter in the least — reality based, honest and grounded, yes! Will get busy on my writing this weekend after a few other project assignments this week are done and dusted. Delighted to have you as part of the blog readership.

    Author’s gravatar

    Happy belated blogoversary! I just marked it by re-reading your catalysing first post in Coming2Terms. This latest post from you gave me quite the welcome sense of grounding.

    I too feel myself resurfacing a bit blog wise – both post pandemic onslaught and, before that, two prior years of life chaos. I share some of your longing for the days when blogs ruled. Blogs, and especially those written by so many of the commenters here, provide for me a depth, perspective and understanding that other social media cannot.

    And surprise, surprise – there’s a NY Times piece on motherhood in the pandemic that I too have been eyeing in terms of coining a rebuttal. I must admit though, it got under my skin so I’m waiting for my objectivity to re-emerge.

    On a side note, it’s funny I had it on my list to give one more shot to commenting on some blogspot blogs. On many of them my comments disappear, which is frustrating for me as I’d really like to stay more connected.

    So yes, I’m still here and am thankful you are too XO

      Author’s gravatar

      Always great to hear from you, Sarah! I have felt more than the usual kinship toward you as this year has worn on. I’ve recalled frequently your experience with dysautonomia. Your inability to move about the world freely has never felt so real, albeit this time for my own frustrating biological shortcomings. I hope our ability to stay in the blogging mindset — where our writing and social media allow for deeper discussions — reignites. (And, damn, if the Blogger thing didn’t eat another of my comments. It’s like Google knows we use WordPress and penalizes us!) Meanwhile, I know we both have other preoccupations that demand a lot of our emotional energy right now so I hope we both find some peaceful and happy resolutions soon.

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