Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

May 23, 2013

Outside The Bubble

The world looks vastly different outside the bubble.

Gone were the subliminal and overt messages about what a socially acceptable life is supposed to look like. Truthfully, once you you leave it behind, it can be a bit shocking to realize just how pervasive our social conditioning is. I was able to escape the noisy echo chamber that surrounds us during the longest getaway since graduating from university — 21 days visiting seven countries. With just minutes available online each day (mostly to scan email for anything urgent) I was untethered, present and able to live fully in the moment.

It felt positively sublime.

Unplugged and away from the routine I had some anxiety, at first, about conversations I was missing, Tweets and FB updates that went unread. After a few days, short of posting a photo here or there from a smartphone, I realized how liberating it is not to worry about documenting every moment, or riding shotgun on everyone else’s life, in real time.

Each day brought discovery and learning and a healthy dose of experiencing life on the edge of my comfort zone. Around each unfamiliar corner we found new sights, new smells, new sensations and new conversations — often in languages we didn’t understand. Mostly, we allowed our minds and bodies to wander into new territory.

Along the way, we were also fortunate to see and visit with friends. While none of us are raising children we each have in our lives relationships with a wide range of people — of all ages — which gave our conversations a kaleidoscope effect. Together we have a special view of the world. We also share a “twinship,” a concept that Dr. Marni Rosner explained as “relationships that provide the feeling that there are others like me in the world, someone who understands me.” We were fully at ease with each other, connecting deeply in a way that allowed us to appreciate the richness of our lives and the shaping forces that made us who we are.

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We leisurely explored indoor and outdoor museums, strolled narrow cobble-stoned streets, drank cappuccinos for breakfast, beer at lunch and wine at dinner. We climbed up a large mountain and through Roman and Greek ruins. We laughed and delighted in teaching each other new expressions. We walked softly lit streets at night and watched the moon rise.

On the days we traveled, just the two of us, we marveled at the scenery, drank in the ancient history and wondered about the ways civilization has progressed — and regressed — over the centuries. It became abundantly clear that societies have undergone many shifts in values, behavior and beliefs. We can best appreciate how narrowly are views are shaped when we get added context, if we move from place to place and across time.

While on the road, we were (gratefully) outside the incessant reach of the Mother’s Day marketeers. It came and went as if it were any other day and that felt not only novel, but peaceful. Klara, a fellow blogger and I, were together on the second Sunday in May and raised a glass to all of the women we know who nurture. It was only upon my return that I had a chance to read a piece in Psychology Today called, We Are All Mothers At Times With or Without Children (props to Christina Gombar for sharing).

I was reminded of the power of this idea when I learned about the passing of a courageous, insightful and inspiring fellow blogger, Melissa of MLO Knitting, who nurtured me and many others along the way when we needed it most. Rest in peace, MLO. Your kind and generous spirit will be with us always. Pax

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Editor’s Note: Karen Malone Wright of The is conducting a survey and welcomes participation of those who are women without children. I’ll be profiling her and her pioneering work next month.


Different Than I Expected 7 Replies to “Outside The Bubble”
Pamela Tsigdinos
Pamela Tsigdinos
Writer, blogger and, oh, yeah, infertility survivor. My memoir, Silent Sorority, tells the whole story. There's a movie in there somewhere. Given the quirkiness needed to relate it all I'm thinking Jennifer Lawrence would be a good fit.


7 thoughts on “Outside The Bubble

    Author’s gravatar

    That does sound positively sublime, and your photos show that, as well.

    I’ve been thinking about you. So glad you’ve returned so nourished and content.

    Author’s gravatar

    What a wonderful vacation. It looks like you had a marvelous time. Thanks for sharing!

    Author’s gravatar

    I am so glad that you were able to get away. Your pictures are wonderful. A year ago I spent some time away in Spain with DH and some childless friends. It was at a time before schools let out, so there were few vacationing families with little kids. It felt, whether true or not, that there were a lot of “twinships”. There was no focus on infertility, childlessness, etc. It was just a time to site see, try different foods, experience a completely different environment, laugh, enjoy, smile. You captured it perfectly… living in the moment! I am so sad to hear about Melissa’s passing. I hope she was at peace in the end and wish her husband and her family peace.

    Author’s gravatar

    LOVE the pics. You look GORGEOUS, Pamela! I’ve also been enjoying quality time with hubby this week, so I can relate to the feeling of being outside the bubble (not being online too often. Only today I starts blog-hopping).

    Sorry to hear about MLO’s passing. :-(

    Author’s gravatar

    It is lovely to have you back, refreshed and restored after a total break away in a fantastic part of the world. (It looks as if you went to the same places we visited almost 2 years ago – and I can assure you the afterglow lasts!)

    And yes – getting away really does allow you to live just as “you” without any of the baggage, societal expectations or obligations. It is liberating, isn’t it?

    Author’s gravatar

    Welcome back, Pamela! — missed your presence here, but so glad you had such a great time. You really know how to escape Voldemort Day in style, lol. ;) And how nice you could share it with Klara! :)

    Author’s gravatar

    Travel can be so refreshing, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. (not necessarily physically, although coming home tired can be a sign of time well spent!) Thanks for sharing your journey with us, and I don’t mean just the 21 days in seven countries. :) All best!

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