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Mothers Day

Mother’s Day? It’s Complicated

Posted on May 13, 2017May 14, 2017 by Pamela Tsigdinos

Mother’s Day is far from black and white. For many it’s stress-inducing and, simply, complicated. I know. A decade or more ago around early May I would do my best to tune out. First I adopted a bunker mentality.  Then came humor. In 2009 I solicited greeting card ideas for women who don’t fit neatly into the Hallmark view. Later I asked for and received 46 ‘non-mom’ opinions about the day: Mother’s Day from Meh to Arrrgghhh.

In more recent years I’ve contributed essays to capture the tortured moments many women experience — the latest in this piece published on Huffington Post.

Putting it Out There

The Huffington Post essay follows others such as the one published in 2010 for The New York Times titled Mother’s Day: A Cultural Crucible.

Mother's Day

Two years ago I suggested we re-frame the day entirely in a post titled: M.O.M. – From This Day Forward It Means Mentor of Many.

Changing Minds One at a Time

But, this year brings a new approach: ‘teach-able’ moments.  Last year on the Monday following Mother’s Day, my cheerful, kind-hearted yoga instructor greeted the gathering of assorted yogis with “hope you all had a Happy Mother’s Day!” Immediately my blissful meditation turned to ‘monkey mind.’ Agitation set in. Thoughts and emotions leaped from neuron to neuron.

  • What about those who recently lost mothers?
  • What about those who recently miscarried?
  • What about those who lost children?
  • What about those who wanted to be mothers but are childless not by choice?
  • What about those adopted who long to know their biological mother?
  • The list goes on …
See also  'Fess Up. What Are Your Blind Spots?

This year I passed along the Huffington Post link from one yogi to another. Her response revealed a new level of understanding.

“So glad you shared these writings with me, Pamela.  I appreciate that you must have gone through so much internally in order to get to the place where you could give voice to this.  Having gone through 2 miscarriages in my late 30s, like when I was 38 and 39, in addition to a relationship upset/drama that seemed  to threaten my capacity to ever try to get pregnant again, or even feel like relationship was a good idea, I can really understand some of the feelings that you spoke to. You are a fantastically vulnerable, connected, and alive writer, I was very drawn in. May all that inner work and willingness be a support for others who are managing this same struggle.”

So dear readers, will hold you all in my heart this weekend and wish you strength and understanding as you relive loss amid casual celebration.

Related Posts:

  • M.O.M. -- From Today Forward It Means 'Mentor of Many'
    M.O.M. -- From Today Forward It Means 'Mentor of Many'
  • Who Shapes History? We Do
    Who Shapes History? We Do
  • Mother Is Also a Verb
    Mother Is Also a Verb
  • You Don’t Have To Be A Mother To Be A Loving Woman
    You Don’t Have To Be A Mother To Be A Loving Woman
  • Let's Play Diagnose that "Mom" Neurosis
    Let's Play Diagnose that "Mom" Neurosis
  • What Would Kate Middleton's Life Be Like If She Couldn't Conceive An Heir?
    What Would Kate Middleton's Life Be Like If She Couldn't…

6 thoughts on “Mother’s Day? It’s Complicated”

  1. Lori Holden says:
    May 13, 2017 at 2:21 pm

    I still love the notion of Mentors Of Many.

    This is such an important collection of articles. I am particularly pleased that yoga teachers and others are seeing the complexity behind the easy-breezy “Happy Mother’s Day!”

    Reply
  2. Cristy says:
    May 13, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    Holding you in my heart this weekend Pamela. You are one of my M.O.Ms that I’m celebrating and honoring. Thank you for speaking out and inspiring others to raise their voices about thinking outside a specific label.

    Reply
  3. Sarah says:
    May 20, 2017 at 8:01 am

    So great you passed your link to your yoga teacher. Was just re-reading some of the comments in your Times piece. Good grief, you really have walked through some fire!! Love you for that:-)

    Reply
    1. Pamela Tsigdinos says:
      May 22, 2017 at 7:09 am

      Oh, yeah. My feet have felt the fire!

      Reply
  4. Pingback: Getting through Mother’s Day as a childless woman – Gateway Women
  5. Pingback: Flow Freely This Weekend - Silent Sorority

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