Jennifer Aniston grabbed headlines again this week.
This time the news focus wasn’t solely on her newest streaming series, the launch of a new product or a new film. It was Jennifer’s admission that she’d endured failed IVF and the “shitty” aftermath.
I’m not gonna lie. I’m glad Jennifer Aniston has come clean here in this Allure magazine cover story. I’d wondered — more than once — if she and I had more in common than our chronic frustration with pop culture’s slavish idolatry of baby bumps and motherhood. Take that infamous Huffington Post piece she wrote in 2016. She wanted to set the record straight about the media’s obsession with whether she was pregnant or not. Her piece held gems like this:
“I’m not in pursuit of motherhood because I feel incomplete in some way, as our celebrity news culture would lead us all to believe. I resent being made to feel ‘less than’ because my body is changing.”
As I noted at the time on this blog as well as in my Medium essay, Agree, Jennifer Aniston: We Decide What Makes Us Complete, Happy, Successful:
“In 913 words Jennifer Aniston accomplished what many women (yours truly among them) have spent years trying to do: bring attention to a pervasive tendency by society to look down on women who are not mothers.”
Jennifer Aniston Puts IT Out There
Call it an infertile’s intuition, but I have a pretty good sense of who has or has not lived through IVF’s hellish torture. Jennifer Aniston seemed to walked right up to the edge of admitting to failed IVF back in 2016. Consider the exasperation in this paragraph:
“This past month in particular has illuminated for me how much we define a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status. The sheer amount of resources being spent right now by press trying to simply uncover whether or not I am pregnant (for the bajillionth time… but who’s counting) points to the perpetuation of this notion that women are somehow incomplete, unsuccessful, or unhappy if they’re not married with children.”
I’m stating the obvious when I write that the “Failed IVF Club” is no one’s first choice. But once in it, you realize, as Jennifer Aniston noted to Allure:
“If it wasn’t for going through that [failed IVF], I would’ve never become who I was meant to be. That’s why I have such gratitude for all those shitty things. Otherwise, I would’ve been stuck being this person that was so fearful, so nervous, so unsure of who they were. And now, I don’t fucking care.”
Truer words were never spoken. Everyone cheers and celebrates and throws parties for women once they become mothers. So, it’s about f*cking time, we handed out a few awards for those who couldn’t or didn’t.
Jennifer Aniston, if you’re out there reading this: Step on up here to this virtual stage so I can hand you your sash and your crown. Stand tall, together with your sisters around the world, unashamed in all your beautiful, hard-won glory. We’re glad you’ve officially joined an ever-growing list of badass women. It’s long past due that we acknowledge to the world:
Yes, once you’ve come through the agony of losing children you once tried so damned hard to bring into the world, you arrive at an attitude of ‘I don’t fucking care’ what people think of me. You also develop an added layer of compassion coupled with an extraordinary understanding of loss. With it comes steely strength, fierceness, fortitude and resilience forged in fire that most people walking this earth will never fully understand.
Don’t Fall for the Make a Buck ‘Fertility’ Flacks
You’re not alone, Jennifer. We have your back and we get you. But, also a word of advice: don’t be fooled by the egg freezing propaganda. Clinic operators are already, I’m guessing, beating a path to your door. How do I know? Because PR and marketing folks representing egg freezing profiteers are already pinging me to interview egg freezing clinic managers and their equally opportunistic IVF operators. Ironically, they’re using you as a case study of what women don’t want to become. Seriously!
A note to the flacks filling my inbox: Did you not bother to read this blog and my bio first to see who you were pitching? You’re doing a superb job showing just how tone deaf the IVF and egg freezing industry truly is. Let me help you. Why don’t you read a few of the pieces linked below or check out my most popular blog posts in the sidebar, and then decide if you still want to hype egg freezing to young vulnerable women. Maybe turn your attention instead to climate change, voting rights and the many other topics that will actually help the next generation.
The Tough Truth About Egg Freezing
Selling the Fantasy of Fertility
Oh wow. Thanks for picking this up, Pamela!
I just LOVE the last quote, especially this part: “Otherwise, I would’ve been stuck being this person that was so fearful, so nervous, so unsure of who they were. And now, I don’t fucking care.” It must have taken a lot of work to get there. I am proud of her!
Your paragraph on handing her the sash and crown actually made me cry.
Thank you!
I’m reminded of Jody Day’s quote about the costs of initiation to get into our “club”, along the lines of “it’s a testament to our strength that we’re still standing at all.”
We welcome you with open hearts, Jennifer.
I have always loved Jennifer Aniston. I love her now even more.
I admire her courage.
Thank you, Jenn. You are one of us <3
She didn’t have to “come out” — but she did — and we all love her all the more for it. :) Well said, Pamela!
Applauding this. Bravo to Jennifer Aniston for sharing her truth with the world. Bravo to you for celebrating this. And bravo to this community. We are all more than our reproductive abilities and the titles that come with them. We need to celebrate people for who they are, not the labels attached.
“An infertile’s intuition” – YES! The Allure article made me realize I had basically been assuming she had tried at some point to have children but couldn’t. Pair that with – what I’m guessing anyway – is a level of surprise on the part of the general public. Two notably different perspectives as far as what’s assumed about women without children to say the least.
And a big “Hell YEAH!!” to this: “You also develop an added layer of compassion coupled with an extraordinary understanding of loss. With it comes steely strength, fierceness, fortitude and resilience forged in fire that most people walking this earth will never fully understand.”
Wishing Ms. Aniston peace and strength going forward…..and standing by ready to defend her amid any fallout!!
Wonderful, wonderful! I love all the tasty nuggets you pulled from the interview. And yeah, the egg freezing bit was a bit of a disappointment, but I love what you said about it. And I love that that wasn’t the focus of the interview, although some outlets are clinging to that because GOD FORBID you end up without children. Argh. I cannot BELIEVE that people wanted you to represent egg freezing! Jeez. Thank you for being a leader of these Badass Women!
I am a newcomer to this blog, and am so grateful to have found it after reading Silent Sorority. I am a member of the failed IVF club ( unexplained infertility) and 23 years after that final attempt at becoming pregnant I still struggle with feelings of grief and anger and feeling like a failure as a woman, which I have mostly kept to myself; reading Silent Sorority released a tidal wave of emotions that I had bottled up . I realize now that I never gave myself permission to get really “pissed off” and appropriate deal with that “shitty aftermath” that Jennifer A described; very few family and friends knew about my infertility , and some of those well meaning people would say things like “you and your husband have a great life, you have so much to be grateful for”. So how dare I complain? Ah yes, a great career as a Registered nurse, but working in a female dominated profession the baby oriented conversations were always happening. Another thing I learned is that even those I shared some of my deepest sad thoughts and feelings with would disappoint me with insensitive actions, comments, pregnancy announcements. I often wonder if I am the only woman who has been stuck in this silent sadness stage? I will be turning 60 years young this April and would really appreciate some feedback from the ladies of this blog.
First, Sharon, apologies for the delayed response to your comment. Just read it today (1/13/2023). Unfortunately, waves of extreme fatigue from COVID have continued to limit my abilities to do what were once simple tasks (like spending any time with my blog).
Most importantly, I want to recognize and validate your experience. I also want to acknowledge the pent-up emotions in the wake of failed IVF (particularly tough for someone in the healthcare field). We are a few months apart in age so I also fully appreciate the silent sadness stage you describe as it will, on occasion, find me again as well. I will save your comment and plan a more comprehensive response for a future blog post. I appreciate your patience…