Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

July 7, 2010

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again…

silent sororityIt was mid-afternoon in the Sierra Nevada Mountains when the email arrived.

Three loads of laundry had been folded and tucked back into their rightful place. The kitchen floor glistened, still fresh from a serious mopping with Murphy’s Oil Soap. Digital images stored in my computer held joy and wonder from a long holiday weekend of Fourth of July fireworks, mini golf and lake fun. The junior croquet set bought for our nieces and nephews was stored in the garage. The marshmallows, carefully toasted over the Weber grill the night before, for S’mores were only a sticky memory.

Now it was time for some Auntie indulgence of a different kind. I glanced at my Blackberry as I walked briskly into the day spa, not wanting to be late for my appointment.The echo of laughter from my nieces and nephews was still making its way westward as the email subject line came into focus: Team Choice RESOLVE Award.

I instantly tensed. As conditioned as I have become for negative outcomes, this time I saw the literary equivalent of two pink lines:

Dear Pamela,

On behalf of the RESOLVE Board of Directors and the entire RESOLVE family, I am pleased to inform you that Silent Sorority has been selected as the recipient of RESOLVE’s Team RESOLVE Choice Award for Best Book 2010. As you know, the 2010 Team RESOLVE Choice Award for Best Book was chosen by RESOLVE constituents all over the country. Nearly 2,000 people voted for the Team RESOLVE Choice Award nominees. We are thrilled your book was chosen.

You will be presented with this award at the Night of Hope on Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at Guastavino’s in New York City, NY. We are planning for a full house for this very special night.

The notification could not have come at more apropos time or place. It came in the wake of a truly fun and un-angst-filled weekend — despite being baited many times over with phrases ranging from “as a mom” to “she’s a mom friend” or “it’s great to meet other dads… ” Are parental modifiers now required by law?

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But, I digress. Back to Silent Sorority.  Rewind with me to several years ago.  Many of you were there with me reading along as I made progress in the wee, dark morning hours writing, editing and rewriting. How many sunrises and sunsets did I wonder if a book ever emerge that anyone would care to read ? The number of hours reliving and trying to make sense of our heartache and losses, and the balled up tissues filling the trash can in the mountain cottage guest room, soaked from quiet sobs, are too numerous to count.

Once I’d uncorked the emotions and put our experience down in words I found myself raw and tender all over again. As if adding insult to injury, a steady stream of rejections from agents and publishers arrived — sometimes hourly — in my inbox, pouring salt into a still fresh wound. The final agent rejection, after months of being strung along, hit me like a Mack truck:

“Fertility and infertility continue to be hot topics, but the subject is starting to feel well-trod, almost done to death…”

!!! So, the experience of having your heart ripped out still beating and stomped on by strangers and acquaintances alike while super-sized families get their own reality TV shows is apparently too Hannah Montana??

This award isn’t for me — not by a long stretch. It’s for all who have been dismissed without a thought, for those who have experienced searing heartache both in the light of day and when the lights are off, for those who know what it means to push ahead even when the future looks unfamiliar.

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While my wounds have healed, it wasn’t so long ago that I remember gulping mountain air, grappling with how to find a way forward.

“Done to death?” Hardly. Our stories are only starting to be told…

Everyone, together now, “I get knocked down, but I get up again...”


Book Musings 19 Replies to “I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again…”
Pamela Tsigdinos
Pamela Tsigdinos
Writer, blogger and, oh, yeah, infertility survivor. My memoir, Silent Sorority, tells the whole story. There's a movie in there somewhere. Given the quirkiness needed to relate it all I'm thinking Jennifer Lawrence would be a good fit.


19 thoughts on “I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again…

    Author’s gravatar

    dear Pamela,
    I am so happy!

    Author’s gravatar

    Congratulations! Very well done indeed.


    Author’s gravatar

    YES! You are exceedingly deserving of this award. All of those agents and publishers who ignored you were WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

    Here is to a brilliant future! You are now an award-winning author (add that to the description of your Amazon and Barnes&Noble blurbs!

    Author’s gravatar

    As someone who has benefited more than you will ever know from this truly amazing book, I just want to congratulate you as a well deserved recipient of this award! I only hope/ strive to make the strides you have in your journey and embrace this life that is planned for me! Cheers to you and all of your accomplishments! Definitely going to try and go to NYC!!!!
    All the best always!

    Author’s gravatar

    Congrats from one author to another. How kewl is that! I voted so now I’m glad I did. You so deserve this award. Make sure those comments hit your Amazon/B&N pages! Have a wonderful time in NY!!

    Author’s gravatar

    OMG!!! I am so, so happy that you got this well-deserved award! This is a victory for all of us. The recognition from Resolve and all of us who voted shows that THIS is the neglected fertility issue of the day.

    I hope all of us in the Silent Sorority readership community can do all we can to publicize this — everyone with any kind of TV or press connection — let’s make the most of it!

    Author’s gravatar

    Woohoo!! This is so fabulous, Pamela, & so well deserved!! Your book has made a big difference in helping us break down some of the barriers to talking about infertility generally, & childless/free living specifically. I can’t wait to hear about the banquet in September (& see pictures!!). (You ARE planning to go, aren’t you??)

    Author’s gravatar

    Congratulations Pamela! Well done.

    Author’s gravatar

    How about – fun fearless female friend? Doesn’t that sound more interesting than “mom friend” anyway?

    Yay! Congratulations!

    Author’s gravatar

    Oh Pamela, congratulations!!

    Author’s gravatar

    Pamela, I am so happy for you! Thank you for writing the wonderful book. It helped me so much! You deserve to be recognized. Thank you for being the voice of our special group of fabulous women! All the best, Laura

    Author’s gravatar

    PJ- Congratulations! I am so happy that your book was chosen for this award- you so deserve it! You took our taboo lives and let us all know that we are not alone- not by a long shot- thank you for that- you have no idea how much your blog alone has helped me and my husband ‘come to terms’ with our new lives that would be without children. I still have yet to read your book- but the reviews and the excerpts that I have read touch my heart and soul.

    Finally an infertility book that didn’t come from Disneyland with the perfect happy ending- our lives are far from the joys and laughter of a theme park- we are all in line for the dark and mysterious ride that no one wants to go on, talk about, think about. You gave our lives a voice and that means the world to me- someone finally understands us and isn’t afraid to let us know that we will be okay because we are not alone on this journey- we have a great support system in this ‘Silent Sorority’ that we have all been inducted into- again, thank you so much for everything that you have done for all of us and for yourself. Can’t wait to hear about the award ceremony in a few months- you so deserve this!

    Author’s gravatar

    Congratulations, Pamela! Yeah!

    Author’s gravatar

    As one of the voters for this book, I am thrilled that you won!!! Although I am only half way through the book, I find our stories to be very similar in spots. Thank you for writing a story that doesn’t end with a baby!!!

    Author’s gravatar

    huge congratulations! I remember when you were just beginning…
    so proud of you!

    Author’s gravatar

    Congratulations! Thanks for giving us all a voice.

    Author’s gravatar

    What wonderful news! I am so thrilled that Silent Sorority was chosen as the 2010 Best Book by RESOLVE. You are so deserving Pamela.

    And your words-

    “It’s for all who have been dismissed without a thought, for those who have experienced searing heartache both in the light of day and when the lights are off, for those who know what it means to push ahead even when the future looks unfamiliar.”

    We all share in your success! Thank you for such graciousness!

    Author’s gravatar

    A belated congrats to you, Pamela! (I’m behind on my blog reading.)

    You so deserve this recognition! Even though I don’t check in as often as I used to (see, I’m moving on), it brings me a huge amount of comfort to know that my sisters on silent sorority are here sharing their intelligent thoughts and insight and continuing to grow into even more amazing women. Your book, your blog, and all the women I’ve connected with here, however briefly, have helped pull me out of my funk, as I move into creating my own fabulous life.

    Thank you again for sharing your story with the world and continuing to offer your support. Congratulations and Cheers to you!

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