Silent Sorority

Infertility Survivors Finally Heard

September 22, 2019

Childless Explorations Around the World

World Childless Week is the brainchild of Stephanie Phillips. She first conceived the idea in 2017. With the help of numerous childless bloggers and members of several online childless support groups, WCW has grown and blossomed. The World Childless Week website contains a wealth of stories and insights. Learn more about the mission here.

Wrestling with the Childless Label

While I’ve long chafed at the childless label, Jody Day encouraged me to take it head on and provide some added perspective. My World Childless Week 2019 post is now live in the Finding Acceptance and Moving Forward contributions.

You can also read it below. Welcome your comments and shares.

Society Lacks Sufficient Words, Imagery to Capture Our Superblooms

I think I have an answer to what’s behind the dearth of understanding about those of us who are not parents. It often comes down to semantics and lack of imagination. There are simply insufficient words, appropriate metaphors or images to adequately characterize us. Clunky labels like ‘childless by circumstance,’ nomos, infertiles, non-moms or non-dads simply do not do us justice.

We are so much more than our reproductive organs or the pro-natalist terminology and stereotypes that diminish us. Clearly, WCW is an opportunity to broaden our vocabulary and our thinking.

The Unexpected

I positively reeled when I received an ‘unexplained infertility’ diagnosis in my 30s.  

Learn more at World Childless Week

Despite all I’d achieved, without a claim to motherhood, I felt I’d been doomed to a barren life of incompleteness, shame and disdain. These negative themes are implicit in many feature stories.  Whether celebrities, sports figures, entrepreneurs or politicians, those who are mothers and fathers garner adulation. Those who are not must account for why.

See also  Are You Courageous?

Society, for all its advances, still harbors and advances a biased and warped view: those without children lead less meaningful lives. The prejudice is not only insidious, it’s pervasive.

Tackling Childless Stereotypes

In the early days of my unexpected diagnosis, I tried various labels to reconcile my reproductive limitation. None seemed to fit.  I felt an allergic response to descriptors like ‘childfree’ (an active choice) or ‘childless.’ My unease started years ago

Can A Six Foot Tall Woman Be Invisible? | Coming2Terms

The title of this 2008 post is a variation on the question that was posed at the onset of a BlogHer panel I attended …

Words with ‘less’ tacked on came with shortcomings and a weird diminishment:

·       Pointless (defined as ‘having little or no sense, use, or purpose.’)

·       Worthless (defined as ‘having no real value or use.’)

·       Aimless (defined as ‘without purpose or direction.’)

Taken by itself, the word less means ‘a smaller amount of; not as much.’ This diminution, by the way, also plays into the hands of those who want to position people without offspring as lacking.  I chose, instead, to see me as ‘me’ – not better or worse, just ‘me.’

As age 45 approached, however, society’s bigotry compounded the personal and relationship losses I’d endured during multiple unfruitful cycles and IVF ‘alpha miscarriages.’ Heartache and angst overwhelmed and pulled me into a downward spiral.

What saved me from drowning? Connecting with others who had been pummeled by grief and loss. Their validation, authenticity and realness unexpectedly gave me a lifeline.

Wisdom and Perspective

I am 56 today and much wiser.

See also  Relief and Reflection Deliver New Insights

This I know to be true: those without offspring are anything but deficient.

How did I arrive at this conclusion? A dozen-plus years back, I did not personally know women and men whose lives looked like mine. That changed, however, when I let down my guard in 2007, found my voice and spoke my truth. It led to a book and blog, Silent Sorority. Soon, others joined me in the public sphere, and together we became a feisty and loud chorus.

Today, I recognize, respect and honor those once cast out as ‘less than.’ It takes stamina and strength to thrive in a world that often doesn’t take the time to hear our different voices. When we speak up and out though we not only reframe the conversation we inspire and change others in ways large and small.

Human Superblooms

To those in the early days of competing pressures, heartache and loss (and those witnessing such struggles), I ask you to consider ‘our stories’ of courage, resilience, and reinvention.

We don’t garner the coverage and kudos showered on mothers and fathers. The under-appreciation and oversight is particularly curious given the complex challenges and prejudices we’ve overcome.

We are the human equivalent of superblooms. (Superblooms are a rare desert botanical phenomenon in which an unusually high proportion of wildflowers whose seeds have lain dormant in desert soil germinate and blossom at roughly the same time.)

Hardy, we bloom where we’re planted. As such, we bring forth beauty and make meaningful and unique impacts on the lives of others. 

Linking Around 3 Replies to “Childless Explorations Around the World”
Pamela Tsigdinos
Pamela Tsigdinos
Writer, blogger and, oh, yeah, infertility survivor. My memoir, Silent Sorority, tells the whole story. There's a movie in there somewhere. Given the quirkiness needed to relate it all I'm thinking Jennifer Lawrence would be a good fit.


3 thoughts on “Childless Explorations Around the World

    Author’s gravatar

    I love love love the idea that we are human superblooms! Thanks for everything you do for so many, helping us bloom so we can then help others.

    Author’s gravatar

    dear Pamela,
    I just loved your question: What saved me from drowning?
    I can say that in the darkest years of my infertility your blog and Mali’s blog and reading your thoughts and experiences saved me from drowning. And for that I will be always grateful.
    sending lots of love from sLOVEnia,

    Author’s gravatar

    Superblooms! Thank you for that beautiful image, Pamela.

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